Recipe for Disaster

DISCLAIMER: While the consumption of dubious delicacies is not recommended, it has to be said that the Recipe for Disaster is one you must try at some point in your life.  

It is creamy and delicious,  
dreamy and fictitious.  
It fills your stomach full to bursting,  
but leaves your throat in wanton thirsting.  

If you do attempt to consume such a delicacy BEWARE; it may also attempt to consume you. 

Recipe for Disaster

150g butter, melted 
225g flour, sifted  
2 tsp hopes, extracted 
3 tsp fears, redacted  
1 whole melon 
1 crazed felon 
2 jars spiders’ legs 
4 very fresh eggs 
  1. Toast your spiders’ legs and set aside
  2. Prepare your hopes and fears; pulverise them with a tenderiser until you have a nice, fine powder
  3. Incorporate the hopes and fears powder into the flour
  4. Combine the melted butter and eggs; whisk until the batter doubles in size
  5. Fold the flour and egg mixtures together with a wooden spatula
  6. Notice the shadowy figure looking at you through the kitchen window
  7. Transfer cake batter to a 9-inch cake tin
  8. Prepare your melon; pluck out the eyes before removing the flesh of the fruit
  9. Put the cake tin in the ov–where’d the shadowy figure go?
  10. Absently discard the cake as you leave the room to investigate
  11. Notice your breathing hasten as you creep through the familiar corners of your house
  12. Follow the feeling of unease to the back porch
  13. Is that someone standing in the treeline?
  14. Second-guess yourself and head back into the house
  15. Encounter the felon on your way back to the kitchen. His eyes are missing and his head has been hollowed out
  16. Scream in confusion
  17. Continue screaming as you encounter the fire that has broken out in the kitchen
  18. Recall setting the fire
  19. Garnish with spiders’ legs and enjoy

Featured artwork courtesy of author.


In a dream, you saw a way to survive, and you were filled with joy.


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