erased from an essay my father wrote on changing his name
I have just changed. I have changed from the seemingly impossible
to adopt my other. It wasn’t the constantly being that did it, although
it probably did a little. No, the reason is simple—my life is to her
how she is to honour. Making it felt like the right thing to do.
She (my other) joined us many years back. Twenty years ago.
Had the crest tattooed on our eternity, back when we were kids.
She has always been Rowsell. I decided to take her, and that was it.
Me and I decided to keep going. We would be Rowsells
and so would our kids and their kids. Fate’s funny daughters.
Me and I are no longer married, but still good friends.
It made sense to give her back.
This wasn’t the first time I have changed. I have a history. I have spent
the longest part of my life being. I went to school but I wasn’t born
and so it came a surprise to me when I suddenly became my name.
The name, my name. An honour to have this, my first birth.
I grew up suddenly, tried to convince people but I became stuck.
I was looking for an engine. I either knew me or those who knew me
and now I am one of those people who just can’t remember or face it,
make it easier to figure out.
I have tried to figure it out. I have been zero but it feels like
I should be many. I am sure people will get used to it.
