after Something To Give Each Other by Troye Sivan
this poem starts in the club, strike a pose as a body comes into place, every strobe flickering like thunderbolts through a harsh ocean, thoughts melt into the sound of each crash, skulls tumbling rough, sticky bacterial infection on the dancefloor, feel all the bodily contradictions, fluids, and especially the deep thrill of finding a man beautiful, shashy to the bar with a boy crush/man rush simmering away, your body emerging from water, dripping as it should, as they watch you take a sip, sucking ice like the flesh that sticks to a stone, finally grew into your looks and out of the blue, a radiation glow all over, now your mouth is a cathedral he wants to sing in, ignition comes just from a flicker of an eye, you don’t know what to do with all this stimulation, lashings of warmth & tension, the smokers area is a relief for once, a circle of drunken swears and vocal cracks, it’s frigid and you’re ready for gravity to pull you into someone, a stranger today but never again, your own homemade prom king quarterback, swear to quit harnessing the cravings only in your mind, unconscious desire has bled out on the pavement, you’re a young bird but you want more for yourself, toucha, toucha, touch, arousal to douse the shame, to come home to yourself, to fly free from your tight ribcage, spirit, and pulse finally at peace in the same timezone, even the idea wets your fingertips, opens your eyes, cinderella’s dust wearing off, your driver is 17 minutes away, on Tuesday you’ll decide what kind of boy you want to be, no more playing pretend in your room, baby boy, boygenuis, dream boy, boyfriend material, the role is yours to fill, in bed you dream of your medical portal time-travel whirlpool, the jaws of life eating you whole, of growing a second stomach that is hungry and wanting, at 2pm the nurse will cross your heart and you’ll hope not to cry, it will be like feeling the blood return to a limb, and you will exit as some other kind of new thing
