Māhaki blood

the day you died my heart			< stopped >	
like a ruru frozen in flight			         < stopped >
like the tau before the parapara		< stopped >
your cheek still warm against mine 	< stopped >

songs of makauri walnut & willow
lingered at the windowsill of your breath 
a final hī then hā 
a last exhalation of stories never shared 
(couldn’t share wouldn’t share
didn’t know how to share) dissipating 
across whenua that once was you 
was me was we was us together		
			
it’s dark & the brazier flames are pōhutukawa in bloom
i feed my hair razor cut & ragged to the stars		
burning persimmons and lambs’ tails
rise in smokey filaments to the sky 
but it’s just me māmā	
this lamb & her tales calling your name 
remembering psalms from your lips hips fingertips 
your whole-bodied laughs & strums

i lie across the mound of earth that is you & 
breathe my body into Papatūānuku’s sighs
the seed of you is a tangle of vines pushing 
through paru & nestling in the cirque of my ear
the root of you is te awa tapu te awa roa te awa pū
stretch-marking the plains of Waerenga-a-hika
ki Hawaiki nui
ki Hawaiki roa
ki Hawaiki pāmamao

we feed our desires into fire & flame
our words combust 
& Māhaki blood 
rises like dust 
to the sky