Grimes

winter 2017 and thirteen-year-old fantasies
and i guess you could say i was ahead of my time
trying to show my friends Artangels.
they hated it. but that was it, i was hooked,
she was on loop in my headphones for the rest of the year
through the cold into spring and the clarity of sunlight on damp grass,
crying over stupid teenage crushes to Realiti - Demo:
oh baby every morning there are mountains to climb.

something too reductive about saying Yeah she’s cringe
and her new stuff sucks but her older music means a lot to me
and it was never about the lyrics alone but they too
thrum beneath my skin wherever i am. everywhere.
seven years later walking home through trees in evening lilac, 
my headphones chanting my heart, i never be, i never see, i never know 
oh, heart, and then it falls, and then i fall, and then i know
and on a dancefloor moving bodies into something religious
amid the sweat and the lights as Kill V Maim blares.

and i could tell you that i’ve seen hours worth of 
youtube videos going down rabbitholes of
controversies and backstories and whatever the hell
happened with her and Azealia Banks and 
i could tell you that even though i don’t agree
with whatever AI NFT crazy train she’s on these days,
when ‘Elon the kkketamine addict’ tweeted,
“Did you get back your child?”, it made me 
happy to see her reply “Yes ofc !”
i could tell you that i listen to Visions sometimes
when i can’t sleep, and that it feels like i’m
hugging my past selves close to my chest,
but i get too embarrassed to say.

what i will tell you is that you don’t choose
the things that change your life in year 9,
that the person i am growing into is a 
synthesis of all art both based and cringe 
i have ever let touch me,
that I still listen to Butterfly on sunny days
when i want to be reminded that i love the world,
lyrics i will never get tattooed but live
scarified and lacelike within a corner of my heart:
if you’re looking for a harmony 
there is harmony in everything.