Yes to Everything

 Bundled up in the back of Molly’s van I tell her how my brother just thinks I should have
some casual sex said I just need to get laid have some fun enjoy my freedom
I tell Molly I don’t know how I never have It couldn’t be a one night stand
Alcohol couldn’t be involved It would have to be someone I connected to at least a
little bit emotionally intellectually you know and then I see that this band
I’ve been following on Instagram is coming to New Zealand from NYC I’ve been
messaging a tiny bit small banter with the lead singer who is super cute and funny
and talented I say I want to go to their show but it’s all the way in Wellington a
flight away I can’t really justify such an expense can I I don’t even know
that I would get a chance to meet her She’s a total rock star and young Molly
suggests I take her van to the Christchurch airport Flights are way cheaper from
there and she knows I am manifesting I say I’d go if I could get a flight for under
$300 They are $200 from Christchurch and there’s really nothing to do but book
I sleep in the long term parking at the airport It’s surprisingly peaceful and silent
and no one knows I’m there. and Molly’s got this down comforter that makes me feel
like I’m in a secret nest with the curtains pulled in the back of her built-out van In
the morning I fly to Wellington go to hot yoga take buses around the city walk the
botans photograph the fairy garden book an appointment to get a new tattoo
When I run into S. on the street I’m cool I don’t ‘play it cool’ That’s not in my
repertoire. but somehow perhaps because I am surprised I simply say Ah, I’m
coming to see you guys play tonight and flash her a very real smile This is
enough just this but what follows is strange and wonderful and only a tiny bit
awkward and I’m talking to her for an hour and a half after the show meeting her at the
skatepark breakfasting with the band going in the tour van to see Frodo’s reading
tree She is lovely a sprite a fairy but with the edge of one who wants
what she wants and a little bit of armour At the van as I’m leaving we kiss
Like that Like that I walk on air away from her Every moment I have
expected and been willing for the whole thing to end this little dream of connection.
and this is a good end I think but it doesn’t It keeps going and next she
messages Is it crazy to invite you to Auckland to share a hotel room and see the
next show I know I am agreeing to sex among other things Yes I say a little
bit crazy but I book it immediate I arrive before her and then she’s there with me
It only takes a moment Hours of wearing only our skin and moving our hands
over each other’s bodies inside of them She is gentle with me gentler than she
wants to be but firm enough A soft open hand on my throat an insistence There
are ribs against pubis fingers reaching to the dreaming place In the morning I
offer ways for it to end but she keeps inviting me brings me to Piha and we swim in the
sea surrounded by a hundred other bathers walk into caves and crush our mouths
against each other there too She takes handfuls of my ass and it’s a kind of claim but
also a genuine pleasure She loves my strength and I don’t even care I love it
all We ride back into town smashed in the back of the van and I shower during
soundcheck sand sliding down the hotel drain Maybe it will end here but there
is dinner before the gig in the arcade and then the gig itself where during the supporting
acts she holds me hard against her body draws my head back at intervals to kiss my
mouth The second night in the hotel’s giant white bed is our last We both
know it It is long and intense and she asks me what I want to try Is it okay if I
touch you like this She likes it when it’s almost pain I nod my assent take
her head in my hand Yes I say yes to everything

Featured photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash.


In a dream, you saw a way to survive, and you were filled with joy.


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