i guess what i’m saying is that i want to be
able to wash you away. i want to
know what it’s like to cry, and not just
because i took too big a hit and i can’t stop
coughing my rotten lungs out. i want
to look you in the eye and
tell you the truth and apologise but not too
much. to pull myself to my full height. to
look this city in the eye and
think it’s a shithole, but it’s mine. i want
to know that’s how you
think of me, too. and
when the floodwaters rise and i remember
the terrible beast i’ve been as long
as you haven’t known me i
be the person you think i can be. i don’t
know who that is yet. you don’t either. let’s
blow up the dam and i’ll meet
the ocean head on. it’s not what you deserve, but
you’ll do it anyway: dig through the
mud-clot detritus and find me.
and see what’s left.

Featured photo courtesy of author.


In a dream, you saw a way to survive, and you were filled with joy.


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