Put your hand up if you’ve ever felt personally victimised by your body

I bind until my ribs crack defeat 
and my spine curls into a question mark –
it punctuates the question my tits started
and they start more when my guard’s down
and I forget to avoid the mirror and I lose balance 
on the thin board of my pragmatic okayness 

One day my princess will come 
they’ll have a mask and a scalpel 
they’ll carve off this excess meat 
feast upon it and wake the next morning 
with the perky pair of double Ds they’ve always wanted 
and I’ll have flatness and scars and nipples that slid off in the night

I think I have quite a cute butt for a dude 
was it because it started out as a ladybutt 
or can a butt ever be just a butt –
I think it can in Europe??

I look in the mirror and see only a boy 
I look at my face reflected in the narcissist’s Zoom tile 
and see a worn-out acne-riddled middle-aged dykebaby

Traps and buff shoulders and weak legs
and no abs because of this dummy uterus
cells quivering and mashing themselves against skinwall 
I hold taut in my joints because when I’m too depressed to exercise 
it’s the next best route to chiseled himbo, veiny arms Johnny Bravo 
with the tidy hair and the feet too dainty 
spidery, androgynous fingers
swelled lips like fresh dough and 
who cares if they’re feminine 
cause they’re good for kissing

Pussy that loves to be fucked but can’t bear being looked at
I’m hornier than ever but still can’t touch my clit directly
and I’ve still only cum twice in my life
realising sex was something I did to make people stay

My backne is astronomical, my butt hair is blooming
pube carpet + thinning hair???? I’m scared
But I love my one 10cm long nipple hair (I’ve called her Castor) 
I cultivate her gently, coo at her before bed

What if instead of top surgery I got a boob job? 
and I was just this dude with a KILLER RACK like

I’m talking double Fs spry silicone bouncing 
against the mesh of my Kevin Durant singlet 
as I dunk on the dudes down at the school courts 

Every day I thank my creator 
for this adam’s apple
those bitches used to laugh at 
but joke’s on them now

Featured photo by Oliver Engel on Unsplash.


In a dream, you saw a way to survive, and you were filled with joy.


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